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Guiding positive behavior
Guiding positive behavior is a framework that parents, educators, and other caregivers can establish to help children learn acceptable social practices and ways to express their feelings.
This can be done both directly and indirectly.
Using positive behavior guidance is a crucial part of early childhood development as it promotes the future growth and help children learn the concepts such as self-control, decision making, responsibility and feeling confident about themselves.
Here are some strategies:
Use positive language
When giving instructions, opt for positive language over negative language. Frame requests in a way that guides children to the behavior you want them to do instead of the behavior you don’t want them to do. For example, use precise instructions like, “Walk,” “Use your inside voice,” or “Sit in your chair” as opposed to “Don’t run,” “Don’t yell,” or “Don’t climb on the table.”
Use the right tone
Even if your words are kind, the tone you use may communicate the wrong message to children. Avoid harsh or loud tones when offering guidance. Instead, use a soft or pleasant tone, while still being firm in your instructions. You can also try a silly tone or sing instructions to really get children’s attention in a fun way.
Offer children choices
Offering children the opportunity to make their own choices helps them feel a sense of control and gives them a chance to practice making good decisions. This strategy is best used when following instructions. For example, when you say, “It’s time to clean up,” you can offer children a choice like, “Do you want to start with the books or the blocks?” Phrasing your instructions with opportunities for children to decide how to comply can reduce their resistance to directions.
Use redirection
Redirecting behavior can help shift children’s focus from undesirable behavior to more positive expressions of their emotions. For example, if a child is hitting other children because they are angry, you can offer them a safer alternative such as hitting a pillow or screaming into a stuffed animal.
Time your guidance appropriately
Knowing when to offer guidance is just as important as knowing how to offer guidance. If a child is in the middle of an outburst and is overly frustrated or angry, it is helpful to wait a few minutes for them to calm down so that your instructions will connect with them and help them learn from the situation. Alternatively, if a child acts out by hitting or taking things from others, responding with immediate guidance is the best course of action, as it helps children better relate negative consequences to their actions.
Observe and take notes regularly
Every child is different, and your guidance for each child should be as unique as they are. That’s why it is important to observe and document children’s activities as much as possible to understand their specific needs, interests, and abilities. Behavior charts that track the behavior of children can be helpful.
Role modelling: Have you heard of a phrase, “Monkey see Monkey do?” Similarly, children do, and follow what they see, and hear. They are great observers; they observe every movement and follow it. Our job is to model positive behavior, empathy, kindness, and appropriate communication. It can be done by using tips:
Rather than telling them to clean up, help them pick up the toys.
Rather than telling them to stop, give them a reason (Let us use walking feet inside, I am worried you might trip and fall).
Use clear and appropriate language.
Bedtime
Many families find bedtime and naptime challenging. It is estimated that 43% of all children, and 86% of children with developmental delays, experience some type of sleep difficulty.
Sleep problems can impact learning and make infants and young children moody, short tempered, and unable to interact well with others.
As a young child sleeps, their body develops new brain cells needed for physical, mental, and emotional development. Parents need to feel rested, too, to be nurturing and responsive to their child’s needs. Here are some tips to make bedtime and naptime easier.
Strategies:
Develop a regular bedtime, naptime, and time to wake up. Young children need 10 to 12 hours of sleep daily, including naps.
Make time for physical activity and time outside, but not within an hour of naptime or bedtime.
Give your undivided, unrushed attention as you prepare the child for bed or a nap to calm the child, and let the child know how important this time is for both of you.
Develop calm, relaxing routines. Young children thrive on predictability and learn from repetition.
Establish steps in routines to help them understand and predict what will happen next. “A, it’s time to go to the bed, let’s find teddy or book and then we can cuddle.”
Tell your child what might happen when she wakes up. Talk with her or show her a picture. “First, sleep. Then you will wake up and go to the park.”
Carry a favorite transition object to bed. A teddy bear, blanket, or book becomes a signal that it’s bedtime.
Provide your child with calming activities, sounds, or objects. Avoid rough-housing, tickling, DVDs, or computer games before bed.
Avoid certain foods and drinks six hours before sleep. Anything sugary, caffeinated, or fatty can keep a child awake.
Try breast feeding or a warm bottle before bed. Milk can induce deep sleep but avoid it three hours before sleep if your child is being potty trained.
Provide choices when possible. This is a powerful strategy to prevent challenging behaviors. Ask what toy or story your child wants or if the nightlight should be on or off.
Reduce noise and distractions nearby. The quieter the better in or near the child’s room.
Reduce light, a dark room is best, but your child might want a small light or hallway light on.
Make sure your child is comfortable. Comfortable for you might be chilly or warm for your child.
Be consistent with the bedtime routine and show patience because it will take time for the child to build a routine.
Mealtime
Common mealtime struggles include children leaving the table, throwing food, picking on siblings, tantrums and not trying new foods. These challenges could be food related as well as behavior related.
The first reason can be sensory processing, we are all different with our likes and dislikes which often reflect on our food preferences. Being a child, mealtimes are a learning experience. The colour, texture, flavor and smell of food is all new to the child, so it is hard for them to explain what they exactly like and what not. This leads to crying, throwing food or refusing the meal.
Another important reason is that the needs of the child are not met. It will be surprising, if the child did not get attention from caregivers during the day, this might provoke their behaviors during the mealtime.
Strategies:
State realistic expectations around mealtime (rather than stating, “Don’t leave the table” use “Stay at the table while eating”)
Give children choices (What side of the table would you like to sit, give them choice to take turns serving food, opportunity to add food to their own plate)
The expectations and choices might differ for different age groups. For toddlers it can be very challenging as their attention span is short (expect a need to refocus and support them during the meal).
Role modelling: Children observe and follow what they want, if they see you sitting and eating, they will try to copy you. Role modelling appropriate eating behaviors for children is important.
Observe their needs: Explain to them the texture of food. It takes 8 tries for a child to like a certain food. Name and label the emotions that they are going through.
Appreciation: Reward them after a successful mealtime, catch them being good. “I am glad you ate your broccoli.”
Toilet training
Ask yourself, is your child ready for the training? And is it good timing?
Readiness:
Do your child show interest in the toilet?
Do they tell you when they have to go or when they are wet?
Are they independent, and able to control the urge to go?
Timing:
Is your child healthy and happy?
Are you in the middle of transition? (Welcoming a new baby, changing places, transition to daycare)
Seasonal aspects? (Is it easier to pull down shorts or snowpants, and layers of clothes!)
Preparation:
Clothing (Loose fit clothes, letting children choose clothes for themselves so that they are motivated not to soil their clothing)
Environment (Is your home setting a prepared space for accidents to happen, do you have toilet training tools)
Preparing yourself (Toilet training takes a lot of time, patience and efforts, are you prepared for it)
Choose reward system (Rewarding children boosts their self-esteem, and child gets motivated- a trip to their favorite store, stickers, or their favorite snack)
Are you ready for the training? Alright here are the next steps
Introduce your child to the routine.
Modelling.
Give them plenty to drink.
Keep reminding them and encouraging them to use the toilet before and after transitions.
Not confusing them by putting them in diapers for your own comfort’s sake.
Activities:
Potty training songs, Scavenger hunt for potty training items, make it a science experiment (food coloring, potty seek and find game, potty training race).
Tantrums
What tantrums are? And why do they happen?
Tantrums are very common among children, and they are a way of communication for them. A child needs your attention, or they might need someone to validate their feelings, they might use tantrums to express themselves.
Toddlers throw frequent tantrums, an average of one a day. Temper tantrums often happen because children want to be independent but still seek a parent's attention.
Young children also lack the verbal skills to express their feelings in words. As a caregiver our part is to hear them out.
While the child is throwing a tantrum, think why is that? Maybe the child is sick, the child wants to express something, and they feel you are not giving them the attention, or it could be that they are not able to label their emotions and all they can do is throw a tantrum and get your attention.
Strategies:
Get their attention: Get on their level, make eye contact, label their feelings and validate them. (I see that you are throwing the toys around the room, I am wondering how are you feeling?). Be simple and clear with the language, as long explanations can cause a child to lose interest or be confused.
Give child choices: To promote a sense of independence, self-control, and confidence let them make decisions.
Be patient: To help the little ones, help yourself to be calm. Practice self-care for yourself so that we can guide and encourage self-care among children.
Quality time: Play with your child, be with them, cherish the playful moments.
Rewards: Appreciate children for their good behavior. Go through the rules and expectations if tantrums occurred. Rewarding a child will help them boost their self-esteem as well as trust in you.
At Norwood Centre our team of qualified Early Childhood Development Subject Matter Experts work to provide tools that caregivers can use to support early childhood development. We hear you! If you have a question or concern, please ask us. We have a variety of Child Development Activities available on our website, find them at norwoodcentre.com/child-development-activities. For short-term one-on-one coaching, please call us at 780-471-3737.
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