What is positive communication and how do I use it with my child?

Positive communication is extremely important, especially with children, for many reasons:

• Supports language and communication skill development

• It sets the foundation for children to speak with their caregivers as they grow up

• Helps build and strengthen relationship by building trust and creating opportunities for bonding

• Encourages positive behaviours and promotes emotional regulation skill development

Communication is often the best place to start when trying to address concerns caregivers have while caring for and raising children. The goal of communicating with another individual, child or not, is for the other person to understand what you are trying to tell them.

Here are a few strategies we can use with children to support this:

1. Get their attention:

   1. Make sure you are in the same space as your child - You need to be close to your child so they can hear you and so you can make sure you are keeping their attention while speaking with them. This is very important especially for younger children as they are easily distracted by things around them. You should not have to raise your voice and should avoid yelling from across a room to try and get your child’s attention.

   2. Use their name and, or, gently put your hand on their shoulder so they know someone is trying to get their attention. Be careful not to startle them if your child may not be aware you are near.

   3. Get down on their level and make sure you have eye contact before you start talking or giving them instructions.

2. Use child friendly language:

   1. Use simple, clear, and age-appropriate language – this will help ensure your child is able to understand what you are telling them. The language you use with children will expand as they continue to develop their vocabulary.

   2. Be direct and specific -- tell your child exactly what you need/want from them. Tell your child what you want them to do rather than telling them what not to do. Children don’t know the other options they have in most situations because they are still learning them so when caregivers tell them to not do something

      1. Eg. “please get ready so we can leave for school” versus “please put on your coat and shoes so we can leave for school”

      2. Eg. “stop running in the house” versus “we use walking feet when we are inside”

      3. Eg. “stop hitting your sibling” versus “we use gentle hands when playing with others”

   3. Avoid giving too many or too few instructions at once -- the younger the child is, the less instruction they are able to follow at one time and the more information they need to be able to successfully complete out a task. Make sure you are giving your child enough information to be able to complete the task you are asking them to but not so many that they forget things or get confused. You can split tasks up into smaller chunks for younger children; to do this you will break down a task into its individual steps and give them to your child one at a time:

      1. Eg. Asking your child to “get ready for school” versus “put your dirty dishes in the sink and get dressed”

         1. For younger children tasks can be broken down even further: “get dressed” versus “put on a shirt” and offering assistance if needed before instructing them to put on the next article of clothing and repeating this process until they are fully dressed. This helps children learn

   4. Keep it short and sweet – long explanations can lead to loss of interest and confusion for little ones.

3. Be direct and specific:

   1. Clearly state what you want from your child

   2. Tell your child what you want them to do rather than what you want them to stop doing

4. Be patient and calm:

   1. Plan ahead of time for the activity/task you will be doing with your children

   2. Take a few deep breaths before you talk to children

   3. Practice self-care

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At Norwood Centre our team of qualified Early Childhood Development Subject Matter Experts work to provide tools that caregivers can use to support early childhood development. We hear you! If you have a question or concern, please ask us. We have a variety of Child Development Activities available on our website, find them at norwoodcentre.com/child-development-activities. For short-term one-on-one coaching, please call us at 780-471-3737.